||[18 Oct 2005|03:20pm]
Today I gave Mrs. Price and my English class a bit too much information about my life and it has made me a nervous wreck ever since. I can't stop thinking about it; not because I openly admitted my family's faults but because I know what horrible parents and grandparents exist in my family and I feel like there is nothing i can do about it. Both sides are well aware but they all look the other way. My dad tells me to not worry about it. - "It's none of your concern, Rebecca. Just focus on you." Mom sighs as she tells me it's just the way it is. Everyone grew up with parents who abuse drugs in my family. Everyone but me. I am the lucky one. It makes me sick though. What are my options? Raise hell until someone takes notice? That never works. I came out of my mother's stomach screaming my thoughts but it has only caused trouble for everyone. Call social services? I could but I don't think the kids should be taken away from their parents. In reality, it's only the father, and there are a few other family members who have their heads screwed on correctly. Maybe it would make him realize the consequences, although, I don't think he would care. I could drop out of school, get a job, and steal the kids but that probably isn't the best idea either. It's the one I like most at the moment though. Huminy...
|hello once more...
||[22 Jun 2005|03:29pm]
My goals of the summer at this moment are...
1. To make an A in psyhcology class.
2. To go kayaking for a couple of hours with South East Expedition.
3. To make all of my relationships full of love and respect.
4. To go to Busch Gardens... (AGH! Yay!)
5. To take a basic swing dancing class.
6. To start running at eight four times a week and to play tennis often.
|Hello All Near and Far
||[15 Jun 2005|01:37pm]
Hi... it's me.
Since we have all somewhat seperated for the summer and my cell phone is less than perfect (which is an understatement) I thought I might start to post.
At this moment i am at liz's while she is at work, waiting for my dentist appointment at three. Then i will head off to the community college for psychology class at six thirty and then back down to dads (eastville).
Thursday morning I will be working from 10 to 4:30ish- i will also do this on friday and saturday. Sunday i hope to go to Busch Gardens with meghan, dad, lisha, etc. Monday I will be working for my grandmother and monday night i will be in onancock once more for psych class. I'm not sure how long i will stay there. I will distritbute that information when the schedule for next week is posted. Keep in touch even if you just leave a message on my phone. I will try to get back to you in someway.
I hope everyone is well. Have an excellent summer!
|Nothing but the obvious.
||[07 Apr 2005|08:15pm]
So here's my deal.
That's what it come down too.
Please no comments with an opinion.
I love you.
||[27 Mar 2005|07:34pm]
How are you this Easter evening?
Meghan just hit my swollen arm. Oughie!
This weekend was nauseously great.
I need to set myself back into a focused, determined, hardworking mind set.
I will put myself back into the above described mind set.
I love Broadway.
I wish motion didn't make me sick.
I wish I knew whether the colorful, stocky, dancer on the E train was a man or woman. (a woman at heart for sure)
I'm thankful that Nick beautifully puts up with my neurotic ways.
I love you.
|Where does it end?
||[22 Mar 2005|06:56pm]
I'm just starting to notice how low my standards have become. For example: I just spent an hour doing 20 trig problems, 14 of which were correct, and I am ecstatic. A good student would at least shoot for 18 if not 20. I have lowered my standards with everything in my life; school, relationships, work, myself. I feel that I have become a bad friend/girlfriend simply because I have let myself accept, at times with open-arms, failure.
True, trig is not my strong point, (so 14 correct out of 20 on a homework assignment is an achieved goal) but where do I stop lowering the standards of my abilities and start forcing myself to go beyond what I have sluggishly allowed myself to become.
I realize that one of the reasons I do this is because i will over-stress, over-analyze, and over fret until I am a mumbling, shaky, ball of mush. I guess i feel like if i accept failure, then there's no reason to over-stress at all.
I must find a happy medium.
This is all bull shit, right?
Just work hard and get over yourself.
Someone tell me that.
Thank you for your time.
Have an excellent evening.
|Knives inclosing my throat...
||[20 Mar 2005|12:37pm]
Cheez-its are good.
"Some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese." -Joon
-My piece of wisdom for the day. Take it or leave it.
It's a gorgeous day; absolutely beautiful.
Come with me and a good book to a dock by the bay.
Lets linger in serenity.
To my friends: keep in touch.
|Wise Words of Jibberish
||[01 Jan 2005|04:40pm]
"Buddha, having emaciated himself for no resaon in cruel self-abuse, realized... that this was not the way to peace, or knowledge, or liberation... One who ruins her body can never gain awakening."
If only every month Mother Nature would bring a heavy snow that stayed for two to three days then melt quickly away because of beautiful, sixty-five degree weather, I think we would all be a little happier. Although this weather is confusing the animals that live instinctly on this earth which could only lead to chaos.
How are you doing today?
I am just dandy, thank you.
||[22 Nov 2004|07:51pm]
"My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute." —Ayn Rand
I aspire to live my life in some grand form of objectivism but where does this lifestyle turn into a completely egocentric existence and how do I appropriately differentiate the two?
|Another afternoon of quizes...
||[13 Oct 2004|07:10pm]
You are mysterious love. You want things to be a
bit deeper, a bit more emotional. You want to
explore, to try more things. You don't want to
settle for just one good thing. Your love is
What kind of love are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
|Another year i must prove
||[12 Sep 2004|04:51pm]
So. We have all completed out first week of school. It is now my junior year and i have many obsticles i want to accomplish for no other reason than self-gratification.
I totally screwed up last year. No one's fault but my own. This year i must not let myself set myself up for failure. I will not let every mistake i make define who I am. I will over come my downfalls. :)
Okay. So this week my goals are to have control, ambition, and happiness in everything that i do.
homework and much needed organization call my name
||[26 Aug 2004|01:53pm]
You're a Spring. You usually are very close-knit
with your friends and value everyone freidnship
you have. You're a real people person and
everyone loves how friendly you are. You're
good with encouraging people but usually don't
like to be the center of attention. You are a
social butterfly and probably are in several
circles of friends but it's just because you're
well liked and you make people comfortable.
You're both fun and wise but you are very
realistic about life.
What season are you? (pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
|Chasing tail lights haning by a thread.
||[25 Aug 2004|07:09pm]
Well my subject sums up my evening. Ah. I needed an afternoon of ghetto vans and busted speakers to livin my spirits. :) So the summer is over and i have nothing to show for it. Oh well. There are worse things. I have high hopes for my junior year but im not ready for it to begin. I feel like there are some things i need to accomplish first. I think I might be switching jobs once school starts if Pepper's still wants me even though i can't start when they would like me too. Cherrystone was a mistake, but you live, you learn. It had its good points. I can feel the weather changing which is exciting. Fall... yay. :)
I'm going to go now. I'm sure Meghan Dear would like her computer back.
||[14 Aug 2004|04:05pm]
Your full name:: Rebecca M. Bell
Natural hair colour:: Dingy blonde, almost a *no colour* if that makes sense.
Eye colour:: dark blueish green- depends on what time of day it is.
Number of siblings:: Two step sisters: Leah 23 and Maura 21
Piercings:: a hole in each ear
Tattoos:: None to speak of at the moment. Maybe a tattoo on the bottom left of my belly button one day in the future.
Braces?:: no longer
Colour:: soft yellow, vibrant orange and violets are blue
Band:: Green Day, Red Hot Chili Peppers, MatchBox 20, Dave Matthew's Band
Song:: All at Sea- Jamie Cullum and Rough and Ready -Trace Adkins (for the moment) "Good Riddance", time of your life -Green Day (always)
Stuffed animal:: small soft brown teddy bear
Video game:: Pac Man. :P
TV show:: Dawson's Creek, What Not to Wear, Sex and the City, Seinfield
Movie:: My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Life as a House, Pretty in Pink, When Harry Met Sally
Book:: Blackberry Wine
Food:: Seafood Gumbo, Icecream
Game on a cell phone:: I've never played a game on a cell phone.
CD cover:: "Hot Rhythm and Cool Blues (texas style)"
Flower:: South-African Fybos
Scent:: Warm Vanilla or Clinique Happy
Animal:: White Lab :) or a Dolphin (Flipper!)
Comic book:: I'm a fan of comic section in the newspaper. :)
Cereal:: Raison Brand Crunch
Play an instrument?:: no musical talent
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?:: goodness, i hope not.
Like to sing?:: when no one is in hearing distance except for maybe meghan and liz.
Have a job?:: I do.
Have a cell phone?:: I do indeed.
Like to play sports?:: Tennis on a good day. :)
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?:: I have a boyfriend. :)
Have a crush on someone?:: My boyfriend. ;)
Live somewhere NOT in the united states?:: no my dears.
Have more than 5 TVs in your house?:: no
Have any special talents/skills?:: I dont think so.
Excercise daily?:: no. but like many things, that will soon change.
Like school?:: I dont fit well with anything that involves highschool, so not particularly.
Sing the alphabet backwards?:: hm... yes.
Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?:: no
Speak any other languages?:: I can barely speak english.
Go a day without food?:: yes...
Stay up for more than 24 hours?:: yes
Read music, not just tabs?:: nope
Roll your tongue?:: yes
Eat a whole pizza?:: probably not. Well if i had too maybe. (Throw up afterwards)
HAVE YOU EVER
Snuck out of the house?:: um... Kind of. It was to drive a car around a farm. hm.. how dangerous of me. :P
Cried to get out of trouble?:: When I was in Kindergarten. I wasn't going to get in trouble but i felt guilty for lieing to my teacher about having money to spend at the book store... so i spent the day sobbing. Pathetic, huh?
Gotten lost in your city?:: I believe not.
Seen a shooting star?:: yes :)
Been to any other countries besides the united states?:: no :(
Had a serious surgery?:: not serious ...
Stolen something important to someone else?:: no
Solved a rubiks cube?:: no ..
Gone out in public in your pajamas?:: all the time...
Cried over a girl?:: yes.
Cried over a boy?:: not seriously.
Kissed a random stranger?:: of course. Actually, no.
Hugged a random stranger?:: ummmmmmm... yeaaaaaaaa.. yes.
Been in a fist fight?:: two punches thrown. one by me and the other by the defendant.
Been arrested?:: nope
Done drugs?:: alcohol and meds.
Had alcohol?:: yes
Laughed and had milk come out of your nose?:: not milk but many other beverages. :P
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?:: nah.
Gone to school only to find you had the day off because of a holiday/etc?:: I've gone to school everytime there was a fog delay and once when school was canceled for flooding.
Swore at your parents?:: yes. :(
Been to warped tour?:: :(
Kicked a guy where it hurts?:: not on purpose
Been in love?:: I believe so.
Been close to love?:: yes
Been to a casino?:: walked through one on a one night cruise ship.
Ran over an animal and killed it?:: quite a few birds have crossed my path. I have a rule... I only risk my life for fluffy animals and people. must be fluffy! haha
Broken a bone?:: worse.
Gotten stitches?:: probably should have but no.
Had a water balloon fight in winter?:: no
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour?:: no lol
Made homemade muffins?:: nope.
Bitten someone?:: probably... I dont remember a particular time.
Been to disneyland/disneyworld?:: disney world
More than 5 times?:: um no. Once.
Been to niagra falls?:: noooooooooooooo. I want to though!
Burped in someones face?:: yes haha
Gotten the chicken pox?:: yes
WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU
Brushed your teeth:: elevenish today. (Going through the Survey again: I brushed my teeth five minutes ago)
Went to the bathroom:: about an hour ago.
Saw a movie in theaters:: About a month ago. Spiderman Two! (Going through the survey once again. I saw Collateral last night. Twas good.)
Read a book:: April probably. :(
Had a snow day:: Six months ago.
Had a party:: Seventh grade... ha
Had a slumber party:: um... ninth grade?
Made fun of someone:: I make fun of meghan constantly. hehe.
Tripped in front of someone:: Yesterday at work carrying a drawer with 10,000 dollars in it. Whoops, my bad.
Went to the grocery store:: about two weeks ago (Last night)
Got sick:: seriously sick, its been a while, thank god.
Cursed:: Last night
Black/white:: Both- Black: clothing, sky, ink. White: purity, curtins, snow, clean
Lights on/lights off:: depends... what am i doing? :P
TV/movie:: Movie definitely
Body spray/lotion:: Non-scented lotion and Body Spray
Cash/check:: Debit Card
Headache/stomach ache:: headache
Chinese food/mexican food:: must i choose?
Summer/winter:: Fall my dears
Snow/rain:: snow :)
Fog/misty:: fog delays!
Rock/rap:: Rock, but i have my Z104 moods...
Meat/vegetarian:: i eat meat and veggies.
Boy/girl:: um... I'm a girl, i like boys, but if i were to have a dog, I would choose a girl! (they are smarter, shhh..)
Chocolate/vanilla:: vanilla with chocolate syrup
Sprinkles/icing:: Icing i suppose
French toast/french fries:: french toast
Ocean/swimming pool:: ocean (boat, no beach)
Hugs/kisses:: From friends, Hugs! From Nick, Kisses.
Window/door:: sliding glass door that can act as a window to the outside (or inside... o.o)
Long sleeve/short sleeve:: long sleeve
Winter break/spring break:: Hm... Winter.
Clouds/clear sky:: partly cloudy
How many friends do you have?:: close friends, about six.
What are their names?:: you know who you are
Do you have a best friend?:: hm... yeaaaaaah. yes.
Have you ever liked one of your friends?:: yes indeedy
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends?:: gal friends
Have you ever lost a friend?:: ooh yes
Have you ever gone to an amusement park with a friend? many times
Whats an inside joke between you and a friend?:: "I look like an idiot sitting in the COUSIN with the CAR." haha... ah.
Have you ever gotten in a big arguement with a friend?:: :(
Whats the nicest thing youve ever done for a friend?:: Hm... I guess im not that nice.
Whats the nicest thing a friend has ever done for you?::
Do you miss any of your old friends?:: no, im very content with everyone... :)
What friend have you known the longest?:: Meghan
Do you regret anything youve done to a friend?:: definitely
If so, what is it?:: Shared secrets, been too blunt at the wrong times.
How often do you spend time with your friends?:: hm... not so much this summer.
Do any of your friends drive?:: Um... Me and Nick... thats it.
Has a friend of yours ever died?:: Not a close friend, thank God.
Whats the dumbest thing youve done with a friend?::
What do you think your friends think of you?::
LOVE AND ALL THAT CRAP
Have you ever been in love?:: yes
If you have, with who?:: Nicholas
Are you single?:: no
Are you in a relationship?:: yes
If so, for how long?:: A bit over two months
Do you believe there is someone for everyone?:: No, I believe that certain people will click with your personality.
What is your idea of the best date?::
What was your first kiss like?:: Weird, unwanted.
How old were you when you got your first kiss?:: 15
Do you think love is a load of shit?:: not at all
Whats the best experiance youve ever had with the opposite sex?:: Richmond with Nick. enough said.
If you are single, have you had any boyfriends/girlfriends before?:: -
Have you ever been dumped?:: no
Have you ever dumped someone?:: yes
Whats the most sexual thing youve done with the opposite sex?:: make out
Slippers:: My blue doggy slippers
Hat:: orange hat from busch gardens
Space:: My personal space
Good charlotte:: err..
Red:: Big Red
Deep:: Nick's soul
Cord:: light surge
hate:: ignorance in me
did:: fall on my ass
miss:: feeling little
am annoy by:: unneccessary drama
would rather:: hide
am tired of:: doing nothing with my life
What is your favourite genre of music?:: Rock
What time is it now?:: 10:08
What day is it?:: May 14
Whens the last time you called someone?:: Um... i made a prank call to Liz about an hour ago. haha
How much money do you have right now?:: none of your business
Are you hungry?:: Nope
Whatcha doin?:: Wasting time, taking this survey, talking to Nick and Frances.
Do you like parades?:: i suppose so
Do you like the moon?:: with a burning passion
What are you going to do when youre done with this?:: Wash clothes, talk to meghan, brush my teeth, go to sleep.
Isnt cup a funny word when you repeat it over and over?:: Hm...
If you could have any magical power what would it be?:: To read other's minds at will and to stop time and FLY!
Have you ever had a picnic?:: yes
Did you ever have one of those skip-its when you were young?:: No, but a friend had one and i never could get the hang of it.
What about sock em boppers?:: i dont think so
Are you wearing any socks right now?:: of course not
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
funny?:: if im around liz or meghan, yes. Otherwise, no.
pretty?:: err... no.
sarcastic?:: At times
lazy?:: at the moment, so very.
hyper?:: once in a blue moon.
friendly?:: lately yes.
evil?:: AT times... very.
smart?:: notta... ha.
strong?:: hm... yeah.
dorky?:: oh yeah.
ASSOCIATE THESE WORDS WITH SOMEONE YOU KNOW (or dont know)
high:: Uncle Timmy
dance:: Stephanie Reynolds
lonely:: My daddy. :(
pen:: Nick (not sure why though)
flower:: Jen Jeffers
window:: Jessica Fetters (again, dont ask me why)
psycho:: Liz (love you liz)
brain freeze:: Meghan
orange:: Trisha Wagner (beats me)
sassy:: aww... my long lost doggy... so Me.
FOR OR AGAINST
suicide:: against - there are exceptions
drunk drivers:: AGAINST
war:: In general against, but sometimes i dont think there are alternatives, not affective ones anyway.
canada:: Canada has Niagra Falls so for, but they are socialists... err.. ha
united states:: For :)
rock music:: For
gay marriage:: for
school:: for, in some form.
surveys:: for i suppose
britney spears:: jesus, just let her be. who cares?
WOULD YOU EVER
Sky dive?:: possibly
Play strip poker?:: maybe...
Run away?:: what am i running away from? possibly but the odds lead to no.
Curse at a teacher?:: if there was a damn good reason, yes.
Not take a shower for a week?:: I've done it (Scotties Place)
Ask someone out?:: Out to a movie not to be my boyfriend.
Lie to someone to make them think better of you?:: Depending on the circumstance, but i hope not.
Visit a foreign country for more than a month?:: yes
Go scuba diving?:: yes
Write a book?:: I'll leave that to Frances. :)
Become a rockstar?:: No
Have casual sex?:: No
What shampoo do you use?:: Um... today i used Blonde (volume)
Whens the last time you did something sexual with the opposite sex?:: Just make out my dears and that was a bit over a week ago.
What kind of computer do you have?:: I have no idea. :/
What grade are you in?:: Junior, baby.
Do you like to throw popcorn at people in the movies?:: nope (I'd probably throw popcorn at Liz, Nick, or Meghan. Maybe Frances and Jess also)
Or just make out?:: I despise PDA with a burning passion, but it's possible.
How many posters do you have in your room?:: I have Van Gogh's Outside Cafe and two black and white posters of people kissing, one of a soldier kissing a stranger on the streets of new york after World War II and the other of a couple kissing on a street in Italy. (not the norm posters)
How many cds do you have?:: Fifty or so i suppose.
What time is it now?:: 9:34 (I did this survey backwords) A different day *12:41*
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